Dear diary,

I am so confused. There're probably loads of things for me to do but i ain doing it cos i got no direction. i do not know where i shld start and thus end up looking and browsing thru them and juz 'flipping' thru without really doing it. And that feeling of uncertainty is so strong it's constantly bothering me. i am a routine person and thus when u 'pluck' me out from my routine world , everything ard me seem to go haywired and i lost all directions. I know i gonna learn to adapt to non-routine stuff , thus i am giving myself some time.

I've been thinking alot lately , maybe too much. Mostly stuffs that are contradicting and useless , but i juz think and think and 'visualise' that image in my head over and over again. I am aware of how fortunate i am to be given a chance to pursue my dream . Afterall , i've been hoping and praying for this day to come. But the one thing i didn't quite expect has gonna be the very emotional side of things. Maybe i did expect , but i've always
choose to shelve that thgt away till 'i really get the chance to go ' and now that the time is here , it's finally time for me to deal with my emotion.

Ppl ard me are getting excited for me , not that i am not excited , but all the uncertainy have already killed any mood for excitement. I am so gonna miss everyone back home i am sure. I duno if it's stupid to get emotional over such things... afterall i am going there for only a year. And how much thousands and thousands of ppl have been leaving home to study...back then they didn't even have the internet , so things gonna be much worst than this. It's basically a choice i made. i choose to take the shortcut , the one year path ... the one i preferred.... so i gonna bear with everything else... let's juz say that i replace the other two years with money and lotsa different emotion... haha ! Juz get past thissss........ phrase of my life.... get it over and done with .... i so wan to get on with my life...


Love,