.:85 Days:. Just some thgts...

Dear diary,

Been thinking quite a bit today. . . mostly abt the nature of humans? lolz. I was reading XX's blog and she mentioned abt how if there are no poor people there will not be middle-class people? First reactions was... 'what a selfish thgt ! ' and then i thgt deeper into it and realised that what she said was quite true. So i shared this thgt with sweet and he shared his views with me... Which really enlighten me quite a bit. I was asking him if we shld let poor ppl remain poor just so we can remain to be in the middle class range , does that then means that we shld not do charity ? Which brings me to another point. . . do we really help with no thgts of expecting something good to happen ? Like do we really help for the sake of wanting to help or do we help for the sake of expecting something in return ? And so he was telling me that the society we're living in have kinda evolved into a selfish one... and so to climb higher we got to be slightly selfish. And he added that , in the the business aspect, charity is like a really good way to promote. So is the business itself doing charity still? Or issit plainly just a business transaction?

Like i've always feel that it's wrong to expect somemore to return u a favour after u've helped them. If they return u the favour , great ! If not , well... that's that. It's like when ppl help me i dun make myself to think that i am obliged to return any favour to that person.... cause if that is the cause then i dun think it's help anymore. . . but rather it becomes more of like a transaction situation then... And then of cos i dun expect anyone to return any favour to me if i am really genuine with me helping them.

Sometimes i think ppl who thinks that i am obliged to return the favour to them just cause they've helped me irks me a lot ! Cos it's like... i feel that it's totally unfair to me , because there are situations whereby i can really solve it myself , but say... someone comes along and say... well... let me give u some help... and then that person starts helping me but at the end of the day bitch abt me ... prob goes something like... hey i helped her regarding blahs blahs blahs... but look~ she's not helping me ~ to those ppl... i say... FUCK OFF~ Like in the first place i totally could have managed to solve the problem myself.

This entry is really getting nowwhere , but just let me ramble on... haha... And so... does that means because someone helps u , u gonna feel indebted to them ? and that they get to dictate ur life? I mean , look , my parents send me overseas to study , they definately helped me a great deal by forking out the money but i know they will not go... hey... i helped u ... u gonna work here or there because if i did not provide u with the chance u would still be slogging in some qc dept~ lolz... because... in the first place... i know i will not have accepted their help if they said that to me. I live MY life only once , and seriously i will really want to live it the way i want it to be...

Well .... well... this is really getting nowwhere eh... hmm... anyway ~ me and sweet agreed that thou u dun get anything tangible by helping others ... u get things which are invisible? Like the feeling of satisfaction and happiness just comes to u ... and then again... if u help others even without expecting anything in return ... u might just well... be getting something in return ... because u are actually gaining good reputation for urself... and then because u've got good reputation ppl start coming to u and it goes on and on... AH...... now~ what am i talking abt ~ ...

Anyhow , that was the gist of what me and sweetie debated just now. LOL. I love having conversations like that with him cos i get to like debate someone else views ... rather than just seeing the one dimensional view i have. Mind stimulating conversations they call it. Haha.

And then again ~ he started saying how i am still such a greenhorn and really dun understand how ugly ppl can be ~ ~ ~ Like thankyouverymuch... but i dun need u to remind me that i am a greenhorn. ~ Booohooo~ i really need to brush up on my lifeskills... think i really lack it...

Hmm... i know this entry's totally BOSHED GOSHED MOSHED up... but i find it really tough to blog abt everysingle point we talked abt... haha... and so... all righty , that's abt it... will update again soon.

Love
Jorine