Dear Diary,

It's 2.57 am and i am still awake. Weird huh? considering i am usually an early sleeper of sort. Since sweetie started his training in tracom , sleeping b4 12 has become the norm for me. Anyhow, i struggled with myself not to update in u till tml , but well... as it is i failed terribly , must be the zillion thgts running in thru me as of now... so much... i need to pour my thgts out to you, who else will listen to my rants and raving at this time of the day ??? Maybe sweetie will, but he's asleep now... so.... here goes...

It's the start of a new year , pretty much looking forward to the possible progress i might be making this year, looking at my new year resolution i definately hope i will be achieving at least ... some. Ha.

New year eve was pretty much a simple affair , juz me and my sweet - juz the way i like it *wink*however events that happened on that day itself was tipping towards the 'bad' side, i THGT i was going to start the year with anger boiling in me . Was glad tat was not the way we ushered in the new year. To start off our day, plans to go out was 'dragged' by him , i know i gonna be like the understanding gf here,since he juz got back from the graveyard shift and i understand that he needs lotsa sleep... but hey he already slept for more than 6 hours , isn't that enough? considering that it's the new year and i am expecting him to reach my house like much earlier , he reached at 5pm btw~ ok... i think i am not being the perfect girl here , but i really do hate waiting . So we went to town , walked away, mood was seriously dampen by the wet weather . However as we started chatting and fooling around , i begun to remember how much i shld cherish this moment with him , juz a few days ago , i was juz really hoping to go out with him. Decided to head over to cityhall and went to esplanade ( spelling ??? ) , had a really great time standing with him , leaning against the railings, looking at him and telling myself this is the man i wan to marry ( haha ! i know i sound so ~~~ but i do love him ya... lolz ) and the rain gonna come and spoilt the atm for us. Started to dizzle and the crowd started to head over to this cafe under the bridge for shelter, he pulled my hand and kinda guided me ~ away from the crowd, told me it will be better to head over to raffles mrt ~ duno why .. but well juz followed him. Past by fullerton , he asked me if i wan to hold out wedding in there ~ haha ! silly ~ b4 i could ans he answered his qns himself - Gonna work really hard towards this. Yes . We gonna work really hard. Sentiment exactly .

How lame can we get ? cos i went back to town ~ walked ard for like 20 mins at most? b4 i told him i wan to go to JE cos i was hoping claris will go there too. Went to the kopitiam to fill our tummies ! Then to that so called foam party which i dun even wan to mention cos it's really dotty . Walked round and round again b4 settling down, chatted for a while b4 the sucky part came. Called my sister and asked her where she is , she told me she was still at home , was quite taken aback cos b4 i came out i saw that she was already all dressed up and ready to set off and she was only waiting for her 'frens' ,but well, they busted her and she was all alone at home, duno if i will consider these ppl my frens if they do that to me. So felt kinda bad , decided to go home in a cab . So sweet told me that we shld walk to this place to wait for cab, time was 11.15pm . After waiting for like 10 mins no cabs were in sight and i got very pissed at him cos i told him b4 that there will be very lil cab there but well since he insisted , i followed suit. In the end , he told me that we shld change to this other place cos there dun seem to be any cabs at where we were waiting... pissed ! Walked to this other place, was already 11.30pm by that time , didn't even want to look at him , i was thinking to myself , will we be spending the first moments of new year feeling mad at each other , i know he was pissed cos when i am pissed i show it and he gets pissed off cos to him , me getting pissed at such trival matters is irritating as hell , but hey i am classified under the female spieces and we're more emotional and we do care abt issues like ' how we will be spending the first moments of 2005 ' ... well at least i care. Thanks god, we managed to get a cab . In the cab, both were not talking , both were not our usual self, it was obvious something was amiss, obvious that both are pissed. BUT as usual , he gave in ( i am really bad at this... glad that he's juz good at giving in... haha) reached for my hands thou my hands were really clasped. Ya , know... girls.... haha... ok... i am appeased already. So started talking , then he told me quite matter of factly ~ that we will most prob be ushering the new year in that cab , wonder if the cab driver heard us cos after that it seems to me that he drove faster.. lolz ! when we were almost reaching my hse , he instructed the driver to drive us to the new park near my house. 3 mins left ~ pulled me and then ran to this quite spot and sat down , then he looked at his watch then to me , i was still quite taken aback by his 'arrangement' , and he told me... ok dar, it's 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1... gave me a bear hug then he told me these....*happy new year, i wan to be together with u forever... blah blah blah * awww... i miss him already !!!! i will remember those words , i was utterly so very touched by those words. That was the way i ushered the new year in . In that day alone, i experienced so much emotions. I know so much will be happening for us , a good deal of understanding will prepare us for the topsy turvy ride in the year 2005 !

Feeling so much at ease with him now than ever before, i never feel comfortable to let our parents see us being 'close' even if it's juz like him standing really close to me etc. I juz didn't like the idea of parents spying on us and catching us in some situation we're not 'supposed' to be doing in front of them . haha ! u know. But i've noticed recently that i feel less guarded these days, cos it juz feels so natural to lean on his back while he's surfing the web or to sit close beside him while watching tv at his hse etc. Even when we're out , i dun usually hold hands with him , cos of the 'fear' of meeting his relatives , which by the way , always happens ~ . But , ya... nothing of that sort anymore ! i am happy to be with him.

Too add on to this already very long entry will be the events that happened today ,
( i am suprised i am still not bored or tired with blogging ... ;] ) Today was sleeping-in day cos it's a sat and i was tired from the all that happened that morning , which was to force myself not to sleep thou i was really tired and wait for my sister to get back cos she didn't bring her house keys. Anyway , slept in till 1pm this afternoon , lolz ! i can almost imagine how ur jaws are dropping already ! ya... 1 pm ! Rang sweet up and told him i am awake - at last - cos he has been ringing me up like every 30 mins but i juz refused to answer my phone knowing that it has gonna be him - who else will call me every half an hour. Went to prepare for the 2 coms to be formatted, back up the files etc , then sweet came and he took over while i went to shower, i was stinking my own room ! Took us almost the whole day to do the 2 coms cos he needs to network them up and then installing what's not and stuffs. There goes our initial plans to catch a movie ~ but well... we'll leave that for another day. Looking at him today juz can't push those words he told me last night aside... lolz...i was such a mellowed version of myself , when he told me he is thristy i went to get him drinks, which i normally won't even think of doing, when he told me he's craving for pizza i told him i will treat him... and blahs... haha ! that's how much an emotional creature i am . I get so emotional sometimes i scare myself ! But i suspect he dun know what i am thinking abt thou he did gave a few comments abt me acting so sweet today ! He then started guessing that i wanted something from him ..etc. Hmm... really, guys shld juz leave the mind guessing games to us ladies. Ha. He went back soon after dinner , and now both coms are working and formatted with most of the things installed ! yipee!

Something happened juz now , jeff was still out at 1.30 am , dad woke up and was so mad when he saw that she wasn't home yet , like u can feel that he was really mad. So he was asking jelly to call her and stuffs and then he saw that jeff leave him an msg on his cell which i think pissed him ever more cos he was telling jelly to ask her where is she cos he wants to go fetch her RIGHT NOW . RIGHT NOW was really loud and then followed by stuffs abt how she will be grounded if she doesn't come back within 30 mins. Anyway she's back now , but i guess she really didn't handled the whole situation well.

Getting really late. Sweet will be waking up in 1hr 30 mins later . Shld i wait for him ? hmm... He'll be waking up at 6 later, poor thing, getting so worried cos he will be posted to the ops room later , it's the place where they ans calls and then dispatch the police patrolling to wherever. It's his first time working in that room and he's stressed . Nothing much i can do to calm his nerves, cos it's what we call... first-timer blues ~ Will be meeting him tml for dinner .
I think he will not be happy to know that i'm not in bed now. haha. Still i will be waiting for him , juz to wake him up or will i end up sleeping ? ha !

Love
Jorine