Dear diary ,

Sunday ... Mixed feelings for me... Every Sunday since he went in for NS , i feel so dumb ,look into the mirror and laughed at myself... why am i still crying when he leave my hse? why? silly me! The can't-bear-to-leave-him-even-for-a-while feeling always hits me ... hard on sunday , and then... it wears off... on wednesday and by sunday it hits me with full force yet again... i feel so dumb.. so silly so weak...so not in control of my own emotions... but yet ... i choose to be like that...i choose to let my feelings be shown on my face... i dun hide it... this is me... this is not wrong , i am weak in this aspect but weak as i am , i know very well that as time goes by i will get use to it... and i will overcome it...

I am not complaining that he dun spend enough time with me , it's juz that sometimes... there're juz so many things to do in a weekend and we end up not really spending time with each other... but ... the truth is he always always tries to spend more time with me... arranging to chill out with his frens only when i chill out with mine.. and always making sure that my weekends are filled with activities cos he knows how much i treasure my weekends... time spend together are always filled with so much happy memories... recalling every single moment makes me smile... Frankly , i didn't think that i would get so attached to someone 2 , 3 years ago.... i didn't see it coming... until 1 year into the relationship with him... at that time there were so many issues.... so many contradictions ... but ya.. for now we've overcome those... he showed me what is love... how powerful love is... we're happy now... perhaps... that's all that matter ya?

So ya.. he's in camp now... only get to see him on wed ... not that bad.. huh... and then there will be this long weekend... so well... great!

Tml will be the start of another long week... i am getting so used to dragging myself outta bed at 6.50am everyday.. so used... to doing such mundane work.... so used to keeping my mouth shut ,so used to sleeping early , so used to rushing down the stairs of JE station so that i will not miss the bus.. so used to the lonely bus rides... and it seems all these so used comes too early... too soon... not prepared for them... most of my other frens are still enjoying their long break from sch , not even looking for work... regret.... really do... laugh at myself... why was i so anxious to get a perm job? dumb! So now i am looking forward to oct whenby i will quit.. quit that job... and then give myself a chance to experience working as a childcare teacher .... these days...i have been having such delimma deciding on how i shld plan for my future ... am i more of a business admin kinda person or childcare kinda person?

so not sure of that myself... but... i am giving myself a chance to experience childcare first... for a while... and if i can't get use to it... then it's biz for me... will childcare be a plafform for me to become a primary sch teacher? is teaching really my calling?or will i change my mind and go back to nutrition... even thou it will cost me over 100k? most likely not... but unless there's concrete plan.... i'll never know.. for now... it's working at symrise.. till oct... counting down....

update on what i did this weekend....

Friday
Bing booked out and i went to cityhall to meet him after work b4 proceeding to his hse... by then i was sooooooooo tired... but ya... the usuals... chatted with his mum... watch tv... watch the video he took while in camp... laugh... his frens caught him in his underwear~ lolz! was like DUD~~~~ and imagine... his parents were there sitting with me watching him in only his underwear~ lolz! good thing was that.... he was in his boxers most of the time.. lolz~ so it was not that bad.. went back in a cab after that...

Sat
He came over to my hse and then we went to J8 ... went hunting for esther's present... and finally settle for a braclet , necklance and earrings... then went over to town... walked ard a lil b4 meeting up with claris and then bing went over to meet his frens at cityhall... proceeded to esther's aunt condo and then did some bbqing... horrible guys~ dun wanna talk abt those.... ~ guys... juz terrible... didn't feel good there... felt like a alien there.. lolz.. but had a great time playing with kristy baby and catching up with jessica and ... ya... talking to jolynn....
then went back home.. kinda early...considering that it's a bbq.... at like... 10 plus... but then again... i was feeling alienated ... remember? haha...

Sunday
He came over... and chill.. i wanted to order pizza but i am so broke...he's not very broke but still broke... so in the end settled for some scrambled egg and hotdoggies... and then... we juz fell asleep in the living room.. lolz.. lazy lazy lazy.... it was raining..... so.. ya.. that explains it..
then he gonna go... boohoo.. and i got so frustrated with my sister after that... horrible... irritating ... juz pisses me out... dun wanna mention it... juz like..so dud~ sometimes she's still so childish... like... hey..... u gonna wake up from ur dreams... u're not a baby no more... blahs...

and so...... here i am... now...awaiting for the next wkend... but not b4.... i go thru.... the mon...tues...wed...thurs...blues....

Love
jorine

P/S: hey i messed ard with the html stuffs and so my tag board's gone and... it kinda plain in here... but ya... this is only temp...until ... i get the mood and time to change it.. lolz.. meanwhile u can still leave ur comments.. :)